*TMI Warning: Read at your own risk. This post will discuss bodily functions!
It's 8:30 pm. I'm sitting on the floor outside my bathroom, reading the grocery ads and taking notes on the sales, while trying to encourage my child to empty the contents of his bowels.
"I won't!" he declares. He has already been sitting on the porcelain throne for at least half an hour. Mr. M has confessed his fear to me that this child has more willpower than the rest of us.
"You are going to sit on this toilet all night until the poop comes out," I insist, wincing inwardly. If he sits on the toilet all night, it means that Mr. M and I will have to trade off sitting on the floor monitoring his bowel movements, or lack thereof.
"I'm holding it in!" he crows.
I counter, "Don't you know that poop is poison? All the stuff your body wants to get rid of goes in poop and you need to get it out. If you hold it in, it will hurt more tomorrow. PLUS, if you go poop tonight, you can sleep in underwear" (not the pull-ups Mr. M brought home from the store).
10 minutes pass. He pushes perfunctorily, once and again. Nothing.
Mr. M pops out of the boys' bedroom, interrupting his story to Ethan, holding a pair of tighty-whities. "If you go poop right now, you can sleep in these AND I'll tell you a long story AND you can have an ice cream cone!" He disappears back into the bedroom.
When the clock reads 8:45 pm, I say to my son, "If you push out the poop right now, you still have time to get a story from Dad before he leaves to go set up chairs at the church. And you get icecream. And you can sleep in underwear."
He weighs his options. He starts to push! His face turns red, his body contorts, and....
TRIUMPH!
"Mr. M, it's time for a poop inspect!" I call gleefully.
The deed is done! The bottom is wiped. Congratulations and general joviality all around. Ice cream, underwear, and a story for the boy who pooped.
11 comments:
hahahahah! I love it. Congrats to the boy who pooped.
More TMI:
Woo hoo! No suppository duty for me!
-Mr. M
Too bad this type of rewards system dies out quickly... what if I want ice cream and a story?
Excellent!
Having just trained Dan for daytime, I was thrilled that he loved a good splash on his bum.
Totally TMI...
thanks for the the chuckles!
i'm glad we're not the only ones who have poop wars with our kids, except it is more a constipation issue with eden as opposed to a "willful kid".
i can't believe how much poop is the topic of conversation once you have kids!
Good for you guys for being willing to stay up all night. And hooray for relief at 8:45!
Huh-larious. Aren't you so glad you're having another one to torment you? :-)
This is so familiar. ;-) My 3 yr old ...when she was potty-training at 2... refused to poop after it was a little painful once. She has incredible self-control. I had to use a bit of laxative... poor kids. ;-)
The Boy Who Pooped.
That's Harry-Potter level fame there...
And check out the Poop Chronicles (I think they're up to episode 37), vol. I, Vol. II
there are more at MormonMommywars
I laughed so hard and read it aloud to my mom. Oh, the thought of sitting outside the bathroom for 45 minutes give me ulcers. How do parents do it?!
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