Ethan, the peacemaker

One of the difficulties of motherhood for me is that nights of adequate rest are rare. It's a struggle to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Scott tends to wake up at least once in the night and Ethan wakes up pretty early. "Mom, get up. It's light outside."

The really unfortunate thing is that when I'm tired (or hungry), my coping skills go out the window and I am easily irritated. I am sad to say that I raise my voice and the person who gets yelled at is Ethan. Poor guy, he's only 2. I have tried a few things to keep myself calm and they have helped somewhat. One of them was singing (kind of recitative style) when I wanted to yell. The other is putting Ethan in his room with his gate up until I calm down. The problem with the singing is that it only works when I remember to sing. The problem with the gate is that Ethan gets very upset and screams when he gets put in his room.

You can imagine that Ethan has seen me angry many times. He seems to have started a campaign to keep Mom happy. He has a lot of different tactics. One is that he tries pretty hard to be good. He always asks permission to jump on the couch cushions, instead of just jumping. He always asks permission before using the computer. He is really good about answers like, "Just a minute, I'm feeding Scott." Periodically, during the day, he tells me, "Mom, I like you." Twice he told me, when I was angry, "Mom, look at the temple. Think about who lives in there. Heavenly Father can take that (my anger) away." A few days ago, he said, "Mom, I don't like those eyes. I like happy eyes." I think my favorite was yesterday or the day before, when he came up and put his arm around me, patted me on the back, and told me, "These are pats to help you feel better."

Writing this all down makes me think it should be easier for me to be calm. What a great little guy I have here. He really is. I just need to remember that when he's smacking Scott in the head with a book or standing on him. Anyone out there have good ideas for keeping calm instead of giving in to anger?

Kinesthetics and the violin

My friend and fellow violinist Lauren is working on her thesis for a MS in kinesiology. She invited me to come down to the lab and participate in her research on violinists and the angle at which they hold their violin. Here I am, all hooked up to electrodes and reflectors. I think the swim cap makes the whole outfit.

It was quite an experience. I had to wear something that would expose my scapulas (scapulae?), which ruled out my entire wardrobe except my swimming top. It took almost two hours to get all the electrodes on. Each one is positioned on a particular muscle, as well as a few over bone to be grounded. After attaching them, we had to test them to make sure they were all working by working each muscle individually. Next, the reflectors went on, as points of reference. There were five cameras around me and one directly overhead. We did many trials, which involved playing the beginning of Perpetual Motion on the G string in 1st position, 3rd position, and 10th position (3x each) holding the violin at 3 different angles from the chin. I don't think I have ever played in 10th position before. I also played a G major 4 octave arpeggio, another first.

It was interesting, tiring, and actually quite an upper body workout. I was only the 2nd person of 10 to do the data collection and Lauren promises to let me know what her findings are when she finishes all the research.

Barley cereal, anyone?

This is Scott today after finishing an entire cup of barley cereal with apple juice. I like the top one because he looks so pleased with himself and he sticks his pointy tongue out all day long. I like the bottom one because when I look at it, I hear all my piraty brothers exclaiming, "AAAAARRRR!"

The day after

It often happens that the day after a really awful day is a much better day, and such is the case today. I feel like a real mom today - even a good mom. Quick! Write that down!

This morning we had breakfast, then I had a shower, and got dressed in clean clothes (I did get 4 loads done yesterday - thank you, Elder Holland). And we headed to the park. Ethan played on the swings and the climber and the slide; I kept Scott in the shade and introduced him to the sand and tried swinging a little with him on my lap. We stayed about 45 minutes and there was no fuss about going home.

When we came home, we decided to make an alphabet book. We got out our old issues of National Geographic and Parents and looked for pictures of things starting with A. We found armor, apples, apple sauce, animals, and ants. Ethan really was having fun. He asked, "What does this start with? What does THIS start with?" probably 25 times.

We had peanut butter sandwiches for lunch with apple slices and milk. Ethan ate 2 sandwiches!!!! He tends to be my non-eater. Take dinner last night. He simply said, "I'm not hungry," and refused to eat anything, even cheddar cheese, his favorite! During lunch, Scott scooted around the floor, kindly pointing out to me all the tiny papers and other dangerous items I hadn't noticed by trying to put them in his mouth. We had Suzuki Book 1 on in the background and Ethan said, "Mom, this is MY music. Your music is lullabies." (I sing him lullabies at night while he's settling down.)

Then to ease Ethan into his quiet time (ALWAYS right after lunch), I read him 2 books. Then the gate went up, and now it's MY time.

I feel so good. Now it's time to pick up my Helaman reading and move forward. And work on writing the Primary program. The other Primary presidents in my stake were shocked and amazed that I hadn't written it yet when we talked last week. Must go.

However long and hard the road...

It's the middle of the afternoon and I have still not managed to do much more than take a shower and get dressed. Really. I have a mountain of laundry to do complete with vomit and excrement, a disgustingly dirty bathroom to clean, and dishes piled up in the kitchen. Meals to plan and groceries to buy. Sigh...

I did spend some time reading books with Ethan and Scott. I did help one of my Armenian tenants figure out that the dryers aren't broken; the price just went up. I did arrange for someone to haul away a different tenant's junk via craigslist. I updated my financial records on Quicken. I changed many diapers, nursed Scott, and cleaned out my wallet of receipts, expired coupons, and change. But these are not things that get written on my to-do list.

In that state, I turned desperately to my email. Nothing. Nothing. Still nothing. How can I have received no mail in the last 10 seconds since the last time I checked it? Checked the posts at Millenial Star and Mormon Mommy Wars. Hmmm. I'm all up to date on my blog reading.

Happily, I opened up an old email from my dear sister-in-law Candice. She had sent me a copy of Jeffery R. Holland's talk However long and hard the road from 1983 when he was the President at BYU. It was wonderfully appropriate for the way I was feeling today. Here is a link to the version that was delivered at BYU, including his wife's comments: speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6877

It was a great pick-me-up.

It also made me wonder, how is it possible that I feel this way? My home is not in the path of an incoming hurricane. My family is healthy. We have no debt and no financial troubles. I have a happy marriage to a sensitive, hardworking, handsome, funny, comitted man and two brilliant, beautiful boys. Ethan is singing "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning" while hanging upside down in a chair next to me.

I must be hungry. Or tired. Or possibly both. Or, thinking of Elder Holland's words, perhaps I have lost sight of the vision. He reminded me:

Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days. D&C 64:33-­34

And now, I must away to conquer Mount Washmore and spic-and-span my bathroom! Triumph will be mine!

Hellooooo!

For those of you who ever wished you could see Ethan when he's on the phone with you, here you go. Almost as cute as when he's sleeping:)

My turtles

Ethan wanted Scott to play turtle with him, so here they are both, with blue pillow "shells".