I have never understood that saying, "Love means never having to say sorry." Is it the idea that when you love someone you will never do or say anything hurtful so sorry won't be necessary?
I have a problem with anger. Most of the time I am fine, but if I am tired or hungry or worse - BOTH! - then watch out. Those are pretty manageable triggers, but I haven't yet eliminated fatigue and hunger from my life 100%. I thought that blogging about my successes might be helpful.
Today I picked up Ethan from preschool (Scott was along since we had just been with friends at the zoo). I had prepared Ethan in the morning to leave preschool right away and go to the grocery store since our fridge was looking bare: butter, carrots, spinach, an apple pie, and some leftover medicinal Coke.
We got to the store and parked. Ethan got out of the car. It was hot. He was wearing a sweatshirt and started complaining about the heat. I unwisely reminded him that when he got dressed this morning, I had told him he would be hot. Cue the shouting from Ethan! Cue the anger and shouting from me. We got back in the car and I drove away from the store, feeling desperate and angry. Desperate because we were all hungry and needed to eat. About 2 blocks down the road, I pulled over. I breathed deeply. I apologized to my boys for shouting at them. I asked if we could try again to go to the store and buy some food, so that we could all eat lunch. It worked.
We came home. We ate. We're happy now. We have coping skills again. I consider today a success because we tried again and we did what needed to get done.
Does this happen to anyone else? Do you have suggestions for me?
2 comments:
This is Robert Freeman, Lisa's husband...
Sounds to me like you handled the situation perfectly. Pulling over was a great idea, it's never a good idea to be driving while you are angry.. :-)
For some reason this reminds me of when my kids were smaller. We were driving from Oklahoma City to Enid (small Oklahoma town) with all the kids in the van. The two girls (Sarah and Felicia) were fighting like cats and dogs.
So, I pulled over, opened the door and made them get out of the car. I told them that we were going to stay RIGHT HERE until they were done screaming and crying, because it wasn't safe...
So, they are sitting, screaming and yelling like banchies on the side of the road. I'm sitting there letting them exhaust themselves, trying to talk sense into 5 year olds. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not...
Then this 21 -something woman in a car pulls over and looks at me and the kids. She has the nerve to ask me what I think I'm doing. I told her that I'm letting them get it out of their systems. She yells at me and tells me that I'm being mean to the kids and asks what kind of father I am.
I'm sitting in SHOCK as her 2-3 year old baby comes *crawling* over her lap to see whats up (in other words, the baby wasn't in a car seat).....
Sometimes, for split moments, being a parent is so thankless. Gratefully, there are those longer moments when it's the best thing in the world.
I remember as a child when my mom would apologize for yelling at us. It was such an eye-opening experience for me, you mean that Mom is not above the law? She needs to be nice, too? It gave me comfort to know that mom wanted my forgiveness said, "I'm sorry."
So, even though the yelling is something we all try not to do, the "saying sorry" part is definitely a good choice. Better than letting everyone sit and stew about it, anyway.
I have observed the family dynamics of a student and his mom for the last few weeks (I'm an unbiased judge, right? since I'm not involved? haha) and the poor kid just seems devasted whenever his mom pulls the "I TOLD YOU SO" bit. She really rubs it in his little 4-year-old nose and I think it only makes it worse. I haven't figured out what the alternative is, other than adults should be more mature about placing blame on kids (who don't quite understand cause and effect just yet.)
The good thing is that children are forgiving and forgetful - we always get another chance to make it right with them. Sounds like you did a great job.
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